

^ 1^ i^ 



A COLLECTION OF 

SrAROE ACTING TRAGEDIES, COMEDIES, DHAMAS, 
FARCES AND BURLETTAS. 



UNIFORM IN PRICE AND STYLE. 

Each Number 12^A cts....lO For One Dollar. 




BOSTON: 

WILLIAM V. SPENCER, 
128 Washington, Corner Water Street. 



Spencer's Boston Theatre. 

— 5-. ^ ►-» 

Price, 12 1-2 Cents, 0fech. Ten for One Dollar. 
BOUND VOLUMES, SI. 



1 VOL. I. 


1 VOL. VI. 


VOL. XI. 


j : 1 Moll Pitcher. 


j 41 Love and Loyalty. 


81 Tht Mummy, 


•2 The Forest Rose. 


j 42 Robber's Wife. 


82 The Review. 


. 3 Swiss Swains. 


43 Happy Man. 


83 Lady of the Lake 


4 Bachelor's Bedroom. 


44 Dumb Girl of Genoa. 


84 Still Water Runs Deep ' 


5 Sophia's Supper. 


45 Wreck Ashore. 


85 Man of Many Friends. 


j 6 A Roland for an Oliver. 


46 Clari. 


86 Love in Livery. 


7 Black-eyed Susau. 


47 Miller and his Men. 


87 Antony and Cleopatra. 


8 John Bull 


48 •Wallace. 


88 The Scholar. 


VOL. II. 


VOL. VII. 


VOL. XII. . 


9 Satan in Paris, [one 


49 Madelaine 


89 Helping Hands. 


10 More Blunders than 


50 Betsy Baker. 


90 Aladdin. 


i 11 Rosina Meadows. 


51 The Fireman. 


91 Trying it on. 


i 12 The Dumb Belle. 


52 No. 1-, Hound the Corner 


92 Stage Struck Yankee, 


13 My Aunt. 


53 Teddy Roe. 


93 


14 Spring and Autumn. 


54 Grist to tlie Mill. 


94 


{ 15 Six Degrees of Crime. 


55 Object of Interest. 


95 


16 Limerick Boy. 


56 Two Loves and a Life. 


96 


VOL. III. 


VOL. VIII. 


VOL. XIII. 

97 
98 


17 Presumptive Evidence. 


57 Anne Blake. 


18 Man and Wife 


58 My Fellow Clerk. 


99 


19 The Sergeant's Wife. 


59 Bengal Tiger. 


100 


20 Masks and Faces [sor 


60 The- Stewards 


101 


21 Merry Wives of Wind- 


61 CaptKyd. 


102 


22 Nature & Philosophy. 


62 Nick of the Woods. 


103 


23 Agnes de Vere. 


63 The Marble Heart. 


104 


24 Shandy Maguire. 


64 Laughing Hyena. 


VOL. XIV. 


VOL. IV. 


VOL. IX. 






65 Second Lr)\c. 


105 


2.5 Wild Oats 


66 The Victor Vanqnishfd. 


106 The British Slave 


26 Michael Erie 


67 Dm- Wife 


107 


27 Teddy the Tiler. 


■68 Dream at Sen. 


108 


28 Spectre Bridegroom. 


69 My Hiisband'.s Mirror. 


109 


' 29 Idiot Witness. 


70 Yankee Land. 


110 


30 Willow Copse 


71 


111 


31 Matteo Falcone. 


7-2 


112 


32 People's Lawyer. 






VOL. V. 


VOL. X. 


VOL. XV. 1 


33 Jenny Lind 


73 The First Night. 


113 


34 Comedy of Errors. 


74 The Rake's Progress. 


114 


35 Lucretia Borgia. 


75 Pet of the Petticoats. 


115 


1 36 Surgeon of Paris. 


76 The Eton Boy. 


116 


37 Patrician's Daughter 


77 Wandering Minstrel. 


117 


38 The two Buzzards. 


78 Wanted 1000 Milliners. 


118 


39 Shoemoker of Toulouse. 


79 Poor PiUicoddy. 


119 


40 Momentous Question. 


80 Breach of Promise. 


120 



Camille ; Brigand ; Lady of the Lions, 
9:5=The publisher of " Spencer's Boston Theatre " begs to announce tliat he has 
effected arrangements, by which he receives advance copies of all New Pliys pub- 
lished in England. All pieces of merit will be issued as soon as possible after their 
receipt in this country. See Third Page of Cover, a list of plavs preparing for 
pviblication. 



No. 



WM. V. SPENCER, Publisher, 

138 WASHINGTON, CORNER OF WATER STREET, BOSTON. 



SPENCER'S BOSTON THEATRE No. LXIX. 



MY HUSBAND'S MIHEOE 



IN ONE ACT 



WRITTEN BY 



W. W. CLAPr, JR., ESQ., 

EDITOR OF THE BOSlVy SATURDAY EVENING GAZETTE; 

AL'TSOR n? 

« A KECORD OF THE BOSTON STAGE ; " A DPwAMATIC THIFLE, ENTITLED 

".JOHN GILBERT AND HIS DAUGHTEE, ; " &C,, &C. 



ORIGINAL CASTS, COSTUMES, AND THE WHOLE OP THE ST AGE 

BUSINESS, CORRECTLY MARKED AND ARRANGED, BY 

MR, J. B. WRIGHT, ASSISTANT MANAGER 

OF THE BOSTON THEATRE. 



BOSTON:, 
WILLIAM V. SPENCER, 

123 WASin.NGTOX StrkplT, (corner op "Watei;,) 



Entered, nccor.rnv-' to Act of Consross, in the vcar One Thonaancl Eight Hundrorl and Fifty' 
Seve)i> by W. \V. Claim', Jr., iu the Ckik's Oliice of the District Court of the United btates 
for the District of M.issiichuiclts. 



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(2) 






MY HUSBAND'S MIRROR. 



ACT I, 

Scene I. — Breal-fust Room in the House of Delmaixe. c. v>. 02)en, 
backed by chamber. D. f. e. h., pradiceil, to open on stage, backed with 
closet backing tciih several coats Aung up in the closet. Set door, 2 
iL. L. IL, ; set d)or, 1 E. R. H. ; window, L. flat ) round table cwered, 
on R. H., on it j^ens, iitky paper, hand bell^ envelopes, books, and writ- 
ten letter ; tivo chairs oji'Vi. ii. ; ttro chairs R. and L. of c. D. ; sofa 

^ on L. c. 2 g; table on L. H., covered vnth white cloth, and set for 
breakfast for two persons ; neiospaper on L. table, {loritlen ;) set fire 
place, 2 E- R. H., and fire burning ; tioo chairs R. and L. of table L. 
H. ; reticule,' {toil h two 'written letters in it,) hanging on chair R. of 
L- table ; carpet, hearth rug, and fire stand on by fi^repilaee, R. H. 

Enter Fred Delmaine, door 2 E. L. H. 

Fred. . If tliere is aii unhappier man than myself in this world, I 
should like to see him. I should like to take his hand and condole 
M'ith him. Misery likes company, they say ; and as I feel now, it 
■would be a luxury, yes, an actual .'treat, to see some individual a shade 
or two more miserable than myself. And this comes of getting mar- 
ried — of deserting those bachelors with M^hom, until thirty-five years 
of age, I lived, and had an existence. I was happy then, free as the air, 
and contented — till I saw the present Mrs. Delmaiiie. It was an un- 
fortunate day ibr me, when I came across this village beauty. She 
was so plump, so jovial, and so kind of social, that I popped the ques- 
tion. »She accepted, and we were married before I really knew what 
I was about. It makes my head snap to think of it. The first year 
of wedded life that cherub Peace sat smiling on our hearth — I should 
say stove, for we occupied a single room in a highly respectable board- 
ing house in Bowdoin Street, and the room was heated by an air-tight. 
Those were happy days. We didn't hare room enough to swing a 
cat round ; but as we didn't have any leisure for that recreation, we 
didn't care. Mrs. Delmaine was the very beau ideal of a wife. I 
never found a button off a shirt ; but now, hang me, I am a sort of 
perambulating pincushion. I've got my ditkey pinned on now, and 
my sleeves are pinned too^ Every thing in the house is going to rack 
and ruin. Cliildren are not cared for — servants do as they please. 
Belzebub's back kitchen must be a paradise to such a place as this. I 
«A'onder why Mrs. Delmaine does not make her appearance, {liings 
bell violently several times.) Margaret ! INIargaret ! 



MY IIUSBAXD'S MISEOR, [-iCT U 



Enter Margaret, door n. h. I e., ymmiing and mbhincj her eyes — 
dressed very slatternly. 

Mar. Dear me — I believe I lieard a bell, {Yawns.) What a 
situation I've got, to be sure ! ( Yawns.) O, you rang, did you, Mr, 
Delniaine ? 

Fred. I think I did. Where's your mistress ? 

Mar. She's dressing, sir, — {Aside.) Dear me, I do wish I Icnevr 
how fashionable ladies "get along with such a little sleep — she didn't 
come home till near daybreak. 

Fred. Don't stand there mumbling. Go tell ISIrs. Delmaine that 
breakfast is v.Tiiting, and then just rub the slumber out of your eyea 
with the Cochituate — if it ain't froze up. 

Mar. {Going.) Slumber! I don't know what that word means 
since I've lived here. "What A^dth mistress's late hours, and master's, 
early hours, and the children at all sorts of hours, day and night, I 
haven't time for a dream. {Yawns.) {Exit, door 1 e. ii. ii) 

Fred. That's the way it goes. When I bought this house and fur- 
nished it, I thought nothing was wanting to complete our happines'^. 
Friends called and congratulated us ; we gave little parties, and I was 
proud of the attention paid Mrs. Delmaine ; but, hang me, it spoiled 
her. So soon as she thought she was somebody, she imagined I was 
nobody. It's a way some wives have of looking at then- husbands; 
but I'm not going to be turned into a mere money-making machine to 
supply the extravagant wants of any female that walks. Hather than 
do it, m get a divorce — a divorce — a divorce. 

Enter Mrs. Delmaine, door R. h. 1 e. 

Mrs. Del. What's that you are talking about, Frederick — what'"s 
that you say ? 

Fred. Madam, I was thinking aloud ; and as you overheard a por- 
tion of my cogitations, you might as well know the rest. I am tired 
of talldng to you, Mrs. Delmaine, and, what's more, I am tired of 
receiving every July and January a perfect avalanche of bills, when I 
supply you liberally with sufficient for every want. 

Mrs. Del. Go on, sir, go on — I suppose I'm to be favored with 
one of your semi-annual lectures on poverty. 

Fred. I^To, madam — you are going to hear my ultimatum ; for I 
have made up my mind to put a stop to the imhappiness you cause 
me, by a divorce, iif necessary. 

Mrs. Del. That don't worry me, Frederick, my dear : I've heard 
you threaten before to-day. 

Fred. And now you are about to see the realization of my threats. 

Mrs. Del. Come, come, sir, let us understand each other. If you 
wish a separation, I'm ready. Draw up the papers, give rac this house, 
the children, and an income of three thousand dollars per annum, and 
you may start for New York, Halifax, or Hamilton, just as soon as 
you please. 

Eredt. Thank you, madam, thank you ; but I decline your offei: ia 



SCENE I,] MY husband's MIRKOR. 5 

toto. As little as I care for the mother of my offspring, I shall never 
leave these precious children. 

Enter Margaret and two small ckiklren, door R. ii. 1 e., very dirtily 
dressed, hair over their eyes, bits of bread in their hands. Stand R. H. 

dirty and neglected as they are, to the guidance of such a woman, I 
ask you, Mrs. Delmaine, to look at them. I ask you, as a believer in 
the great truth that cleanliness is next unto godUness, if that couple 
aren't enough to make you blush. 

Mrs. Dd. Margaret, I've told j'ou time and time again to keep 
those children looking neater. I've told you not to spare the scrub- 
bing brush, if they did cry. 

Mar. (R. H.) I know it, mann, but I haven't time to attend to 
them. If there were forty- eight hours in the day, I couldn't get 
through all my Avork. I cleans 'em up as well as I can, but Avliile I'se 
cleaning one t'other gets dirty, and 'taint no use trying. 

Fred. You can go along, Margaret — it is not your fault. {Exeunt 
?»iARGARET and children, i>. r. 1 e.) No, Mrs, Delmaine, don't try to 
throw the blame ujwn Margaret. You are the person to blame — you 
are the one who should set a better example in your own household, 
and the servants will soon follow it. But the coffee is cold now — just 
pour me out a cup, for I am an hour late at the counting room. 

Mrs. Del. Any thing to stop your mouth. {They sit at breakfast 
table on L. H.) The Lord knows what a life I lead. It is scold before 
breakfast — scold at breakfast — scold when you come home to dinner 
— scold after dinner — and scold ivhen you go to bed ! It's a wonder 
to me that my temper ain't soured before this, 

Fred. (l. u. of table.) By Heavens, madam, it's a wonder to me 
that I've got patience enough left to remonstrate with you ! You 
lead me a dog's life ! 

Mrs. Del. (r. h. of fable.) I lead you a dog's life ! That's a 
pretty accusation — I scarcely see you. Your desertion of me is the 
town talk. If you were fond of parties, and concerts, and balls, and 
the theatre, we should live as happy as the day is long. 

Fred. And you might add, the night, too. I like them all in 
moderation ; but you never tire, month in and month out. You 
must be in the, midst of a whirlpool of excitement, or you are 
troubled with the blues, or the (emphatic) highfantods, or some other 
infernal complaint, which no medicine, homoeopatliic or allopathic, 
can cure. 

Mrs. Del. Sir, you grow extravagant in your assertions. 

Fred. The truth, madam, in your case is extravagant enough, 
without resorting to any fancy sketches. 

Mrs. Del. You are losing your temper, sir ; you'll be profane in a 
moment. 

Fred. Dam'me, madam, if you wouldn't make an archangel 
swear — you'd exhaust the patience of a second Job, and puzzle a 
Dabol to solve you. 

Mrs. Del. {Softening.) I know you think so — I know you never 
loved me — I was a fool to marrv a man w^ho was so penurious. 
1* 



6 5rr husband's mirrok. [act r. 

(Commences sobbing. Rises.) But you'll break my heart one of 
these days — you will — you'll be a widower before you think of it. 
(^Advances, cryin-j, towards K. h.) Yes, sir, I know you'll not shed a 
tear. You ought to have a slave for a Vv'ife — but strychnine ean 
accomplish a relief. I'll leave you, sii', and when you have left, I'll 
finish my meal. {ExUi d. ii. n. 1 e.) 

Fred. ( Who has sat very quietly looking at her, rises.) That's all 
humbug. She is acting all that. It used to affect me once, but tears 
run off from my marble heart, now, like rain from a slated roof. They 
used to soften me once, but she's tried them on so often that I'm kind 
of petrified. She's a good soul, though, and possibly I am a little to 
blame. If I could only contrive some way to give her a lesson, 1 
think I could reform her. While I've been hard to work trying to 
realize a fortune, she lias been making progxess in fashionable life — 
pah — fashionable fooleries. My junior partner told me the- other day 
that there was a iiirtation going on between her and young Mr. 
Flouncer. At the club, last night, some one asked me about little 
Flouncer, and appeared to think it a joke ; and yesterday I received 
an anonymous note, which said, " Beware of Flouncer." But 
she is a woman of too much sense, of too much purity, to be led away 
by such a manikin. I'll not trouble myself about liim, at any rate. 
I'll look over the morning paper, and run down town. This little 
matrimonial junket has quiie taken away my appetite. {Sits doivn in 
the chair n. of table L. H. ichich Mrs. Dehnaine has vacated, hanging on 
the side of which is her retieide. Takes uj) paper and looks over it leis- 
urely.) There isn't any thing very astonishingly new this morning. The 
editors have kind of exhausted bleeding Hungary and bleeding Kan- 
sas. (Beads.) " Copper stocks are rfther down." — Don't like that, for 
I've been let in for a few huncheds in a mine, the location of which 
hadn't been ascertained at last accounts. (Beads.) "Potash is firm, 
and beef has a downv/ard tendency." Here's a proposition to erect 
an equestrian statue of Vv^ashington on Boston Common — it ought to be 
done. " Triumphant success of Mrs. BaiTOW and Mrs. Wood in New 
Y'ork." — Glad to hear it. They went from our rural theatre, which 
hasn't its equal, I think I may say, even in the Empire City. — "A 
new play, written by a Boston boy, entitled ' My Wife's ]SIirror.' " Let 
me see. (Beads.) " The play is rather takhig, and the idea is good. 
The wife, by adopting the follies of her husband, shows to him his 
own vices, with which he becomes disgusted." (Taps his head.) A 
thought strikes me — <' 'tis engendered here," as they say on the stage. 
(Bises.) "My Wife's Mirror!" And why not "My Husband's 
Mirror" r I'll manufacture one at once, frame- it, hang it up. I'll 
run down town, and get my partner. Kicker, to assist me. I'll stop 
in at my tailor's, and buy the most fashionable ready-made garments 
that I can find. (Sits dozen in same chair.) Let me think — to cor- 
rect her husband's vices she adopted them. I'll counterfeit the male 
counterparts of my wife's feminine delinquencies. I'll be the glass of 
fashion. (Puts his hand on reticule.) What's this? I feel paper 
inside this reticule. (Opens it.) A letter, and addressed to Mrs. Dol- 
maine — " Beware of Flouncer " — I'll read it. (Beads.) " Dear- 
est : Yom- sweet look Yesternight was sweet solace to my distracted 



SCEXE I.J MY IIUSi3.VXU S MIRKOK. 7 

sovil. I have aslccd myself a thousand times why I did not cross your 

path before " Some one is coming ! {Thrusts the letter and bag 

under him, and keeps his seat.) 

Enter Margaeet, door r. ii. 1 e., and mopes sloiohj around the stage, 
hut does not say a icord. Fred twists round, and as jMargarex is 
absut making her exit, R. ii., spsaks to her. 

Fred. Are you looking for any thing ? 

Mar. (^Going out, R. n.) Only wanted to see if you were gone — 
that's all. {^Exit, door R. h. 1 e.) 

Fred. (^Taking out letter.') I don't believe it; but the letter — 
"Beware of Flouncer ! " *' Why I did not cross your path before 
he whose name you bear seized the priceless gem, the value of which 
he knows not. Let me bask in the sunshine of your smiles ; let me alle- 
viate the hard lot Avhich you endure, and, by mingling our souls in 
sweet communion, find that affinity which is happiness here below. 
Name the hour v.hcnl can call, and believe me eternally your devoted 
friend." No signature. " Beware of Flouncer ! " * Ah ! those 
horrid words are ringing in my cars. I feel that the green-eyed mon- 
ster is hovering around me. {Feeling in reticule.) Ah! here is an- 
other note, and in my wife's handwriting. " Beware of Flouxcer" 
is written in glowing letters before my eyes. (Heads.) " Dearest : 
Your kind note reached me safely ; but I know not what rej)ly to 
make. I seek — I feel I need an affinity like you — one who can lift 
the veil of mist which shrouds that world of spiritual love which I 
pine for. I believe your friendship for me partakes of that nature ; 
for however much I may be neglected by my husband, his honor is a 
priceless gem, which I would rather die than see tarnished, even by 
suspicion. At two o'clock to-day you may come — -till then, adieu." 
*' Beware of Flouxcer ! " (Rushes round the stage in a terrible pas- 
sion.) I'll not hold the mirror up to nature. I'll hold a revolver, 
which will let daylight through the head of this affinity. I'll lift the 
veil of mist from this world of spiritual love -with a vengeance. (^Looks 
at the tetter.) "My husband's honor" — ah! there is a spark of 
honor left, at least ; and, after all, rashness may only kill what a little 
stratagem may cure. But some one comes. I'll put the letters back, 
and watch my chances. (Hangs reticule in same 2>lcice.) Ah I it's 
Lizzie. 

Enter Mrs. Delmaixe, door R. h. 1 e. 

Mrs. Bel. Not gone yet, sir ? 

Fred. (Aside.) I'll commence the mirror now. I'll put on the 
first coating of quicksilver. (To Mrs. Dee.) No, dearest, no. I 
couldn't bear to leave you in a pet, and I was just coming to ask your 
• forgiveness for talking as I did. 

Mrs. Del. (Aside.) He's been drinking. 

Fred. You know I love you, you little pussy. You know you've 
got an eye like a daisy, with a soul in it, as the poet says. 

Mrs. Del. (Aside.) He's wandering. 

Fred. You know you ahvays control me. You ahvays make me 
do just what you please, you little pink. 



8 MY husband's jiirhor. [act I. 

^ Mrs, Del. (Aside.) He's insane. 

Fred. I Avas very roiigli this morning, I know it, but my railroad 
didn't declare any dividend this January, and I was a little down in 
the mouth. I wanted to buy the diamond necklace that I saw at 
Jones's for you, but our road didn't ipaj, and I felt I couldn't af- 
ford\t. 

Mrs. Di'l. But that is no reason for scolding me — was it ? 

Fred. No, my love, no — but I have taken new resolutions. I'm 
an altered man. I have been a wretch, but am so no longer. Here- 
after I'll live for you. Business may go to the devil. I've got some 
little land uj), and so let's be gay. But — 

" Should you ask me whence these feelings, 
AVhence these emotions and sensations — 
I should answer " 

O, hang Hiawatha — but whenever I feel happy, I always feel tro- 
chaic . But, love, I tell you, I'm going to be the devoted slave of 

the dearest little gillifiower of a wife that man was ever blessed with. 
(Holds her in his arms.) 

Mrs. Del. {Looking up lovingly.') But, Freddy dear, I wouldn't 
neglect my business if I were you. I'd attend to that, for without 
money one can't live very well. 

Fred. My dear, I've worked hard enough, and I've got a soul 
above trade. I have other aspirations. But, wife, here's your reti- 
cule. 

Mrs. Del. Ah, so it is — let it hang there. — (Aside.) It is all 
right — he hasn't opened it. But that stupid jNIargaret not to see it ! 

Fred. You'd better take it; the children might get it. 

Mrs. Del. Perhaps I had. (lakes it from him.) It Avouldn't be 
much of a loss if they did get it. 

Fred. "What's that bit of white paper, sticking out of it ? 

Mrs. Del. It's only a little bill, which is paid. Don't be too in- 
quisitive. 

Fred. Well, I won't, love. It's one of my old faults, I know. I 
must go down to the office for a few hoiirs, but I'll be back at two 
o'clock, sure. 

Mrs. Del. Say four, my dearest — for I have an engagement with 
Mrs. Parker about that hour. 

Fred. Four be it — and now, love, give me a kiss, (Kisses her.) 
Do you knoAV that carried me back six years, to that evening when 

Mrs. Del. I don't recollect any evening. 

Fred. You do, you witch — you know you do — that evening 
when I looked up at the moon — — 
Mrs. Del. Now do go along. 
Fred. You blush — well, I won't. Good by till four o'clock. 

(Ex if, C. D. L. H.) 

Mrs. Del. (Solus.) That man is certainly bedeviled. Such a 
change in so short a time — what can it mean ? Perhaps this is but 
a symptom of that moral insanity which has just been discovered in 



SCENE I.J MY UUSBANi) S AIIUllUK. 9 

Xe\v York. Possibiy he is socially insane. I A\ish I had asked him 
lor fifty dollars — that would liave tested him. lie intends to neglect 
business, docs he ? I should like to see him do it. ^^'ho would pay 
Chandler's hill, or Jones's bill, or Moseley's bill ? lie is, alter all, 
only my material husband ; I seek my affinities among^ conj^^enial 
spirits. There is Flounccr — poor fellow, he is spiritually in love 
Avith me, and I couldn't help giving him an interview, lie talks so 
sweetly too — I must send him this note. ( Takes an envelope from 
tabic on R. II. and encloses httcr in itr — addresses it and rings beli.) 

Enter Maiigahet, door 1 e. u. ii. 

Mar. I thought I heard the bell ring, marm. 

Mrs. Del. Yes, Margaret, just take this letter and leave it at Dr. 
"White's. It's for the expressman who brings in flowers from Milton. 
You needn't say any thing, but leave it — that's all. 

Mar. {Taming to go — looks at outside of letter.) That's the first 
time I knew that Edwin Flounccr was an expressman. But we girls 
live and learn. (^'oMiis. Delhaixe.) Will you take care of the 
children ? 

Mrs. Del. No, no, I haven't the time. I am obliged to run down 
to ^Irs. Parker's. Leave them in the kitchen M'ith the cook. Bless 
their dear souls ! And, Margaret, be sure you don't stop by tlie way. 
There is nothing AA'hich gives me more trouble than to have gu'ls Avaste 
time by looking in at store windows. 

Mar. Yes, n>arm — any thing else ? 

Mrs. Del. Yes, bring my hat and shawl. 

Mar. Yes, marm. {Exit door R. ii. 1 e.) 

Mrs. Del. Upon my word I forgot all about my breakfast — but 
the late supper at Mrs. Powers's took away my appetite. That frozen 
champagne was delicious — though I must confess it gave me a head- 
ache. Poor Frederick had been in bed five hours when I got home, 
for what with the iced champagne, the lioman punch, and old Ma- 
deii-a, I felt very singularly. Come, hurry, Margaret. 

Enter ^Iargaret, door R. 1 v.., %citli six bonnets. 

Mar. I didn't know which hat you wanted, and so I brought the 
first half dozen I saw. 

Mrs. Del. O, stupid ! I want my eleven o'clock hat — ah, this is 
it — run out of the back door, ]\Iargaret, with that note, and be back 
as quick as you can. {Exit ]S1argaret, door r. 1 e. ]SIrs. Del- 
maixe exits c. n. R. n. almost iminediatelg.) 

Enter Frederick Delmaixe, c. t>. l. n. 

Fred. As good luck would have it, I met my partner at the door, 
and we dropped into the grocery store opposite and talked my scheme 
over. He approves it, and has entered heart ;vad soul into it. He 
has gone to procure me every thing needful, and ha^ promised to aid 
and abet in this plan to reform a Avife by the apparent ruination of 



10 MY husband's mirror. [act I. 

her husband. And we have laid a trap for Flounccr. I don't exact- 
ly like those letters. I think I'll shoot Flouncer slightly. I just saw 
Mrs. Delmaine flaunt down the street like the wife of a millionaire. 
She did look pretty, and I'd like to see the man who don't feel kind 
of happy when he sees a fine woman walking along, well dressed, 
and can say to himself, " That's my wife." Eut I must, shall, and 
will put a stop to the rig she is running. But I must have a spiritual 
affinity, imaginary or real, and I believe the first arc the safest. I'll 
WTite a letter to my dream love, and take good care that Mrs. Del- 
maine shall see it. (Seats himself at table, K. ii., and torites, reading as 
he progresses.') "Dearest: Your last gentle token of spiritual love 
is embalmed in my heart of hearts, and you yourself shall keep the 
key." I think that is sufficiently transcendental to suit any one. 
*' Your breathing words, • uttered not, yet comprehended,' were like 
the lava of Vesuvius upon the arid plains of my warm heart." If 
jSIrs. Delmaine can make sense out of that, she is a better scholar 
now than she was when I married her out of a farm house. •' I know 
that every pulsation of our congenial spirits are in unison, and that 
the thi'obbings of our warm hearts vibrate like — vibrate like — " 
I'd a great mind to put, the harp of a thousand strings, but that isn't 
exactly spiritual. I have it. " Vibrate like the aspen leaves when 
wooed by the soft breezes of the south wind. I'll meet you again 
soon, but till then believe me your true affinity." I'll try that at a 
venture. {Door bell rings, l. h.) Ah, there's my clothes, I guess. 
{Walks to door 2 e. l. h.) John, if that is a bundle for me, carry it 
to my room ; and now I'll drop this letter here, put on my new clothes, 
and see what's to be done. {Exit door l. 2 ii.) 

Enter !Mrs. Delmaine, c. d. r. h. 

Mrs. Del. O Heavens ! such news, such sensations ! 'Mr. and 
Mrs. Crosby are going to separate on account of supposed moral de- 
linquency on his part — the gossips are full of it. Mrs. Blake has 
bought the one thousand dollar camel's hair shawl at Warren's. Mrs. 
Simpson has procvired a brocade from New York which will stand 
alone. Mrs. Parkman has received, direct from Paris, a crinoline skirt 
which measures sixteen feet in circumference, and will wear it at Mrs. 

Popham's reception on Thursday evening. Mrs. Johnson . {Sees 

letter.) What's this ? Has Flouncer been imprvidcnt ? {Picks letter 
zip.) No direction. {Opens it.) No signature — but I'll swear it's 
Frederick's handwriting. {Beads letter.) What — what — what is 
all this ? I must be dreaming. Such glowing words, such soul- 
fraught language! Have I been tdeceived ? Docs not this account for 
his indifference in times past, and for this sudden change ? Some old 
love I presume. {Tragic.) " O that 1 should live to be the leavings 
of a man!" {Tenderhj.) It will break my heart, I know it will. 
Frederick, who made a pet of me, to be weaned from my side ! 
(Ficrcelg.) I'll have the heart's blood of this iicnd in female shape. 
I'll teach her how to invade the sanctity of my household, to steal 
away the honor plighted at the altar. {Looks at her vatch.) It's 
two o'clock, I declare, and Flouncer will be here. I told Margaret 
to let him in. . Ah, I hear him coming up. 



SCENE I.] MY husband's MIRROR. 11 

Enter Mr. Floxjxcer, c. d. r. ii. 

Fbun. Ah, my dear Mrs. Tlclmainc, I just left ott circle — they 
were all enrious to know -where I was goin^. Some predicted that I 
•was going here, others there, but not one thonci,ht of you. "While they 
were discussing it I stole away, like the Arabs who fold their tents. 

Mrs. Del. You have a splendid memory, Mr. Flouncer. Your 
quotations from the poets are singularly correct. 

Flntn. ^ladam, you flatter me. There is a congeniality between 
myself and the luiseen spirits of departed poets, "When I am at a loss 
for a quotation, I merely press the bump of memory, No. 26, and I am 
impressed at once. ^ly dear ISIrs. Delmaine, this gift, great as it is, 
I A'aluc as nothing when compared Avith the pride I feel in being re- 
garded as your atiinity. 

Mrs. Del. I don't exactly understand what you mean by affinity. 
If I confess that you are mine, what rights are exercised by yoii ? 

Floun. "Well, madam, you have not progressed i'ar enough in tlie 
study of spiritual love to understand. It is my belief that ^Ir. Del- 
maine is somebody else's husband. 

Mrs. Del. What's that you say? [Agitated.') Do you know 
■where she lives — can you show me the house only ? 

Ftoun. Madam, be calm — I mean that spiritually you were not 
intended for each other. There is a dissimilarity in your tastes — you 
are ethereal, he is terrestrial. We — {takes her hand) — loe are of the 
same mould — let me imprint one 

Enter Margaret hastily, c. d. r. h. 

Mar. madam, ^Ir. Ilickcr, your husband's partner, is on the 
stairs, and is coming, up. 

Mrs. Del. I am lost, lost, lost ! jNIr. Delmaine will hear of it, and 
you'll be killed. But stay — go in here, {^points towards her hus- 
band's room, 2 e. l. n.,) and remain concealed till I call you. 

Mar. He can't, madam ; John says master has been in his room 
some time. 

jl/rs. Del. INIr. Flouncer, you are no better than a corpse. 

Floun. Don't say so — do take and put me somewhere, I beg of 
you. ^ly constitution is spiritually feeble, and I cannot cope with 
two men. Do, miss, take me away. 

Mar. Get in here, into this closet, and don't breathe or move. 
{He is hustled in door R. F., and the door is closed. Mrs. Delmaine 
sei::es a book a7id seats herself at table R. ii. Margaret clears the ta- 
ble L. H., and carries the things off R. n. ; tremblinfj tcith frigJit she 
drops a fexo plates, and exits door R. H. 1 E., as Mr. Eicker enters at 

C. D. L. H.) 

Rick. A careless servant you have there, Mrs. Delmaine. But it's 
good for the trade. I don't suppose the Sumners would object to hav- 
ing one such girl in eveiy household. 

Mrs. Del. iShe is careless, but very faithful. She is so kind to the 
children, and takes such good care of them, that I hate to part with 
her, and therefore I pardon her clumsiness. 



12 MY husband's MmiioR. [act I. 

Pack. Is your husband ill to-4ay r He lias not been at the store. 
It is something so unusual that I called round to learn the cause of 
his absence. 

Mrs. Del. O, no ; he was quite well this morning. He v.'cnt out, 
but during my absence he returned, and is now in his chamber. Shall 
I call him ? 

Rid: Not yet, if you please. Have you noticed, my dear Mrs. 
Delmaine, any thing pecr\liar in his actions of late? 

Mrs. Del. O, no — yes — I mean nothing but a slight eccentri- 
city. 

lUck. Is there no cause of trouble at home ? Excuse my asking, 
but his neglect of business and his constant talk about affinities led 
me to suspect that there m^ight be a cause for it at home. 

Mrs. Del. I have not given him any cause, that I know of. 

Rick. Possibly thei-e may be another who has. What time does 
he come hom.e of nights ? 

Mrs. Del. I confers I do not know. — (^Asidc.') I more than sus- 
pect — this note and this conduct — he has fallen a prey to some bad 
woman. — {Aloud.') Ah, Mr. Ilicker, let me confide in you — let 

me {Noise is heard in Fredericic's room L. ii. 2 E. He enters 

dressed in the ntnst extravagant sfi/le.) 

Mrs. Del. 'hlj Heavens ! Frederick, what are you dressed up in 
that style for ? Are you insane ? 

Fred. {Taking stage ad lib.) Ah, Richer, I am happy to see you. 
My wife asks me if I am insane — do you think I am ? Madam, is it 
any proof of a feeble intellect wdien you put on your three hundred 
dollar ball dress ? Bicker,- do you think I am slightly loony ? 

Rtek. Upon my ^\'ord, you are rather peculiar — but I don't see 
any signs of lunacy. 

Fred. I am glad to hear you say so — for I've come to the conclu- 
sion that I wasn't born to hid.e my candle under a bushel any longer. 
You may attend to the business, or the business may go to the devil. 

Rick. You surprise me, Mr. Delmaine. 

Fred. By the gods, hir, you'll not be the only one who'll be sur- 
prised. I'm bound to shine in the political Avorld. I'm going to 
offer myself as candidate ibr the Conunon Council from our ward. 
I've got three axes to grind. 

ISlrs. Del. {To Ricker,.) Do you hear that? He's certainly in- 
sane, 

Fred. Mrs. Delmaine, I'm going to settle the jail land question in 
a manner which will suit all parties. That is axe No. 1. I'm going to 
relieve Yv^'ashington Street of all the omnibuses, and Tremont Street 
of tlie railway, by opening a new avenue M'here you little expect it. 
That is axe No. 2. I'm going to have a public wash-house estab- 
lished on Back Bay, where all the public officers can have their linen 
wa'^^icd and their shirt buttons sewed on — free gratis for nothing. 
That is axe No. 3. 

Mrs. Del. Do, Mr. Richer, run down to the station house, and ask 
some men to come i;p and take him to the hospital. He will do some- 
thing rash. 

Fred. Those tlsree ideas will make me famous ; and next vear I 



SCENE I.] MY husband's MIRROR. 13 

shall be sent to Congress. In anticipation of going there, I intend to 
perfect mypeli' as a good phot, (jaJ<es out pisfol ;) for they don't trouble 
good marksmen down there. By way of trial, I'll show you what I 
can do now. (^Goes towards closet, r. f., xohere Flouncer is concealed^ 
and draws a circle, with a large dot in the middle, on the door, a?id com- 
mences measuring the distance by paces.') 

Mrs. Del. Great Heavens ! Flouncer will be killed. I beseech you, 
Mr. Rieker, take that pistol away from him. Frederick, I implore 
you, don't fire. Don't neglect the appeal of your wife. 

Fred. JSIadam, you neglect my appeals ; you neglect your house- 
hold duties, and neglect your children. Why should I listen to you ? 

Mrs. Del. But, Frederick, you are going to do a foolish thing. 

Fred. Madam, you do a hundred foolish things. 

Mrs. Del. I implore you, then, as you value your hopes of heaven, 
and my peace of mind 

Fred. Madam, I begin to suspect. Is any one concealed in that 
closet ? 

Mrs. Del. {Prondly.') Sir, you insult, by such a suspicion, the 
mother of yoiir children. 

Fred. So I do. I didn't think of that before. As there is no one 
in there, it can't do any harm to fire at the door. No matter if the 
baE does penetrate ; it will only damage a few old hats and coats. 

Mrs. Del. If you present that pistol at that door again, I'll ex- 
pose you, sir, to Mr. Rieker. {Showing letter.') 

Fred. You found the letter I lost, then. Well, I care not — I 
will have my affinities. 

Mrs. Del. O that I should live to hear you speak thus ! Have I 
lost all hold upon your atfections ? 

Fnd. No, madam, you are slowly regaining them ; but I tell you 
that I am bound to rise in the world. You shall yet be a shining star 
at Washington. But I must be a good shot before I start ; and, 
Rieker, here goes — ten to one that I hit the centre the first shot. 

Rick. Done ! (Fred fires, and Flouncer, rolled tip in old coats, 
tumbles out, door R. F., and while Fred atid Ricicer are attending to 
Mrs. Delmaine, loho faints into Ricker's arms, Margaret rushes in, 
door 1 E. R. H., and rolls Flouncer off, c. n. r. h. ; they place Mrs. 
Delmaine on a sofa, l. c. ; IMargaret reinrns, and goes off, 1 e. r. h.) 

Rick. Great Heavens ! Mr. Delmaine, I am afraid we have car- 
ried this joke too far. 

Fred. She's coming to — now sit do-\%'n. Margaret, send the chil- 
di'en. (Margaret enters xoith children, door R. h. 1 e. ; the children 
are neatly dressed, loilh ichite aprons ; Delmaine takes them on his knees, 
as he sits hi a chair, R. c. ; Mrs. Delmaine slowly recovers.) 

Mrs. Del. This is some horrid dream. I thought there was blood 
here. {Takes hold of her dress.) I thought there was murder on his 
hands. Frederick, where am I ? — It's but a dream. — Is Flouncer 
dead ? (Mrs. Delmaine, on sofa, l. h. c, looks up, and sees her hus- 
band and chi'dren, R. h. c. ; uttering an exclamation of delight, she 
rushes toioards them, and leans her head on Fred's shoulder.) 

Mrs. Del. Have I been in the land of spuits ? 

Fred. Y'es, my dear, in the land of wicked spirits ; but at the 
2 



14 HY husband's mirror. [act I, 

smell of gunpowder they disappeaitd. It is a powerful disinfecting 
agent. 

Mrs. Del. And is no one killed ? 

Rick. No one, madam. A man tumbled out of that closet. 

Fred. Yes, love, and Margaret rolled him out. 

3I)-s. Del. And will you — can you forgive me ? 

Fred. Yes, my dear, if you v/ill give me assm-ance that the mirror 
I have held up has been sufficiently powerful for you to see the reflec- 
tion of your foibles. I will not call them vices ; for your head, not 
your heart, led you astray. 

Mrs. Del. I see it now — I see the motive. This extravagance in 
dress is but a reflection of my ovm. — your assumed neglect of busi- 
ness the counterpart of my delinquency as a good housewife. Your 
pretended political aspirations but a burlesque of my love of follies, 
which are as transient as political honors — but, husband, this letter ? 

Fred. Only a little invention of my own. — My affinities are here. 
{Emhracing his xoife and children.^ 

Rick. Have you no others ? Are these good people not of your 
circle? (^Pointing to audience.') 

Fred. Certainly ; and, ere the curtain falls, let me express the 
trust that this trifle has its moral. If there are any here who have 
seen a reflection of those follies acted on the great stage of life, may I 
hope that a little good has been accompli.'^hed by the exhibition of 

Mrs. Del. {Promptly.) ''MY HUSBAND'S MIRROR!" 



SITUATIONS. 



^^ ■^^- ^ Two Children. ^*- M^^ j. 
■^i>^^^ ' Curtain. ' ^^^^H. 



BOSTON THEATEE. 



FL_^YS IN^ PRESS. 



Victor Vanquished. 

Match Making. 

A Match in tlie Dark. 

Mary Tudor. 

Bohemian Mother. 

My Precious Betsey. 

The Noble Heart. 

The Gnome King 

A Winter's Tale. 

Young Scamp. 

Fortunio. 

Nicholas Flam. 

Climbing boy. 

Bessy Moore. 

Jessy Vere. 

Governor's Wife. 

Second Love. 

Belphegor. 

Servants by Legacy. 

Enchanted Isle. 

Little Dorritt. 

Jersey Giil. 

A Failing of the Family. 

Half Caste. 

Frost, of Youth. 

The Adventurer. 

The Iron Mask. 

The Egyptian . 

The Country Squire. 

The Queer Subject. 

The Bottle Imp 

The Spitfire 

Advice Gratis 

Our Mary Anne. 

Shocking Events. 

The Rifle Brigade 

Weak Points. 

One Hour. 

The Artist's Wife. 

A Lesson for Ladies. 

Ask no Questions. 

Oliver Twist. 

Grace Darling. 

Jane Lomax. 

Single Life. 

Dr. Dihvorth. 

King O'Neil. . 

The Woman Hater. 

A Lover by Proxy. 

Who is your Friend. 

Miseries of Human Life. 



Lioness of the North. 
The Cabin Boy. 
Dearest Elizabeth. 
Catching a Governor. 
Hearts are Trumps. 
The Loving Woman. 
Giralda 

My Friend in the Straps. 
Presented at Court. 
An Alarming Sacrifice. 
Knight of Arva. 
Americans Abroad. 
Eveleen Wilson. 
Nora)t Creina. 
The Chaste Salute. 
Who do they take me for. 
The Parson's Nose. 
Betty Martin. 
Little Jockey. 
Touch and Take. [nett. 

Retribution by George Ben- 
Actress of Padua. 
Lost Letter. 
The Thimble Rig. 
The Christening. 
Valet de Sham. 
Hunting a Turtle. 
Young Wife & old Umb'la. 
Ladies' Battle. 
Raffaelle the Reprobate. 
Advice to Husbands 
Dream at Sea. 
Siamese Twins. 
Green Bushes. 
Flowers of the Forest. 
Green M'luntain Boy 
Rural Felicity 
Rory O'More. 
Ella Rosenburg. 
Forty and Fifty. 
Adrienne, the Actress. 
Strathmore. 
The Wonder. 
John Jones. 
Pleasant Dreams. 
Beulah Sjia. 
Irish Widow. 
Belle's Stratagem 
"Village Doctor. 
Bear Hunters. 
Nicholas Nickleby. 



Foundling of the Forest. 

Adopted Child. 

Last Man. 

Lucky Horse Shoe. 

Cramond Brig 

Lucille. 

Love and Charity. 

Sent to the Tower, 

Norman Leslie. 

Peter Bell. 

Time Tries all. 

Two Queens. 

Creole 

Woman's Love. 

Fire Eater. 

Who Stole the Pocket Book 

Charcoal Burner. 

Unwarrantable Intrusion. 

Two can Play at that Game 

John Dobbs. 

Diamond Cut Diamond. 

Gale Breezley. 

Not a Bad Judge. 

Woman I Adore. 

Capital Match. 

Lucky Stars. 

Bachelor of Arts. 

Plot and Passion. 

Storm in a Tea-Cup. 

As Like as Two Peas. 

A Blighted Being. 

Good for Nothing. 

Secret Agent. 

A Wonderful Woman 

Game of Romps j 

Muleteer of Toledo. I 

Lost Ship. 

Four Sisters. 

Dowager. I 

How Stout You are Getting 

Uncle Foozle. [Not. 

She Would and she Would 

Petticoat Government [ces 

Don't Judge by Appearan- 

Somebody Else. 

Twice Killed. 

Old House at Home. 

Prince for an Hour 

Done on Both Sides 

Shaker Lovers. i 

Blanche Marion. i 



iiiiii ill fiiiii 



PRIVATE 



Two Cliaracters Bach. 

! Bachelors Bedroom. 
j No. 1 Round the Corner. 

Conjugal Lesson. 

MorninR Call. 
j Antony and Clopatva. 
I A Lady and Gentleman in 
I a Perplexing Predicament. 

Three Cliaracters. 

Box and Cox. 
Love in Humble Life. 
Delicate Ground. 
' Taming a Tiger. 

i Four Cliaracters. 

1 Betsy Baker. 
Bombastes Furiso. 
Victor Vanquished. 
Comedy and Tragedj'. 
A good Fellow. 
Romance Under Difficulties 
Laughing Hyena. 

Five Characters. 

Poor Pillicoddy. 

Swiss Swains. 

Nature and Philosophy. 

Eton Boy. 
j Bloomer Costume. 
I A Kiss in the Darli. 
! Swiss Cottage. 




Ladies Beware. 

Two Buzzards. 

Two Gregories. 

Who Speaks First 

"White Bait at Gree^ 

In for a Holiday. 

Two Heads better than wii 

Six Characters. 

Mr. & Mrs. White. 

My Aunt. 

Diimb Belle. 

Stage Struck Yankee. 

Trying it On. 

Teddy Roe. [Settled 

Box and Cox Married and 

Loan of a Lover. (Bradshaw 

Grimshaw, Bagshaw and 

JNIy Neighbor's Wife. 

The Secret. 

Two Friends. 

Two Bonnycastles. 

Widow's Victim. 

A Facinating Individual. 

Match Making. 

A Mutch on the Dark. 

Bengal Tiger. 

Seven Characters. 

The Scholar. 
The Limerick Boy. 
Spring and Autumn. 
Object of Interest. 
Grist to the Mill. 
Wandering Minstrel. 
Clock Malicrs Hat. 



016 211 689 7 

Uiu- VVile. 

Eight Characters. 

Love in Livery. 

A Roland for an Oliver. 

Barrack Room. 

Dead Shot. 

First Night. 

The IMummy. 

Our Jemimy. 

Spectre Bridegroom. 

Fish Out of Water. 

Nine Characters. 

My Fellow Clerk. 

Rough Diamond. 

Bamboozling. 

Deaf as a Post. 

Happy Man . 

Irish Lion. 

Idiot Witness. 

La>ty dfthe Lions. 

Omnibus. 

Old Guard. 

Little Ti-easnre. 

Sophia's Supper. 

Temptation . 

Used up . 

Weathercock. 

John Jones . 

Still Waters Run Deep 



Price, IS 1-2 Cents, eaeli Ten for One Dollar. 

On hand a large assortment of 

B^^GLISH AND AMERICAN EDITIONS OF 

^^^*A11 New Plays for sale as soon as issued. 



WILLIAM V. SPENCER, 

Wholesale and Retail Dealer in 



CHEAP PUBLICATIONS, 
1S8 -w-A-smasra-TOisr stpibet. 

(Corner of Water St.) [DQSQCDSJa 



